Ways to connect
We all feel lonely sometimes. It's simply our body's way of letting us know we need meaningful connection. Whether it's a brief moment or the start of a new friendship, we all need to feel connected — no matter our age. To share stories, to be heard, and to have fun.
Here are some simple ways to feel a little less alone, and help others do the same.
Our top tips for connection
Our team have put together our tried and tested top 10 ways to feel more connected and less lonely.
The art of conversation
Nothing beats a great chat. We know… we've been doing it for over 27 years! Here's what we've learned.
What is your favourite dish to cook?
Sometimes it's hard to know what to say, especially with someone new, or someone you want to know a little better.
These conversation starters are designed to help relatives, friends and carers build connection with an older person. Use them however works for you, as a starting point, a spark, or just a way in. There are no rules.
Stories of friendship
Dorothy & Rosa
Dorothy, 89, had begun withdrawing from the world struggling with memory difficulties and depression. Rosa was looking for a way to give something back to her community.
When we matched them together, it was quickly clear they were a perfect pairing. Their visits are filled with chat and laughter, and Rosa sometimes brings her young children along, knowing how much Dorothy loves being around little ones. Rosa told us: "I always look forward to seeing her, she reminds me of my own Gran. On the way home one day I thought, I haven't laughed so much in ages."
Dorothy agrees: "We laugh and I share my stories with her."
Frank & Arjun
Frank, 73, lives alone following the loss of his partner. A naturally sociable man, a long-term health condition had left him rarely leaving the house. His GP's mental health practitioner suggested a befriender, and Frank was hopeful that regular company might help.
When we matched him with Arjun, the connection was instant. Their first visit felt as though they'd known each other for years. They share a love of food and cooking, swapping stories over Indian teas and snacks, and have discovered shared travels and similar life experiences. Their conversations flow easily — often lasting hours.
After their first solo visit, Frank said they had "only touched the tip of the iceberg." Arjun feels the same, describing their visits as catching up with an old friend.
As Frank puts it, hearing a knock at the door and knowing it's Arjun "makes all the difference."
Join a Friendship Table near you
Led by The Link Visiting Scheme, the Friendship Alliance has a network of over 65 welcoming venues across the borough where anyone can drop in, enjoy refreshments, and connect with others. Available every day of the week, these tables ensure that no one has to feel alone.
Edith’s story
Feeling low and struggling with loneliness, Edith felt like giving up. With some encouragement, Edith joined our Link to Nature project last year. This summer, she grew a sunflower that reached 5ft 6, and was thrilled when her tomato plant produced more than 120 tomatoes over the season.
Volunteer visitor Joni has helped rekindle Edith’s love of gardening. With new bedding plants in place, her garden is looking beautiful again. Joni said, “It’s really lovely to see how engaged she is with her garden this year… the Link to Nature has inspired her.”
10 top tips for connection
After more than 27 years of bringing people together, we've learned a thing or two about connection. Here are our favourite ways to invite a little more of it into your life.
☺️ Start small
Small moments of connection can make a huge difference. Do you feel uplifted when you exchange a smile with a stranger in the street? How about making small talk with the person behind the till at your local shop, or waving hello to the neighbour across the road? You might not know these people well but these microconnections can have a significant effect on our happiness and sense of belonging.
☕️ Start new rituals and routines
There's something lovely about becoming a familiar face. Try going on a daily walk along the same route at the same time, you'd be surprised how quickly you start recognising people. If physical activity is a challenge, is there a bench you can sit on regularly? Think about new 'social spots' you could create, could you sit in your front garden and say hello to passers-by? Take a book if you feel self-conscious. Even enjoying a cup of tea by a window could open you up to more interactions than you'd expect.
📆 Put dates in the diary
When are you next going to see someone? Having things to look forward to during the week makes a real difference. Some of us need connection multiple times a day; others are comfortable with once a week. Neither is wrong, but having something planned helps. Could you arrange to call a relative once a week? Link Thursdays is a brilliant place to start: a vibrant, welcoming space where anyone in the community can simply turn up and be guaranteed a warm welcome.
📲 Find out what's on
If you're under 60, Involve's Community Navigator telephone service is a brilliant resource, providing free, confidential support to Wokingham Borough residents over 18, connecting them with local services, groups, and activities to improve health and wellbeing. If you're over 60, find out more about our services, from one-to-one befriending to a varied calendar of activities, events and specialist projects, from reconnecting with nature to learning how to get online.
🩵 Volunteer
One of the most reliable routes to connection… and one we might be a little biased about! Giving your time to others gets you out of the house, into a community, and alongside people who share your values. Volunteering has a remarkable way of turning strangers into friends faster than almost anything else. If you'd like to volunteer with us, we'd love to hear from you.
☎️ Pick up the phone
In a world of texts and emails, actually calling someone has become a bit of a radical act, and that's exactly why it matters. Hearing a familiar voice, having a proper back-and-forth, knowing someone gave you their time, it counts for more than we realise. Think of someone you've been meaning to catch up with. Don't text them. Call them!
✅ Say yes more
Sometimes connection isn't something we need to go looking for — it's the invitation we've already received and haven't quite got round to accepting. A neighbour's coffee morning. A colleague's leaving do. A friend's 'we should catch up soon.' Say yes. It doesn't have to be perfect or comfortable. It just has to happen.
💻 Get online
For many people, the internet has opened up a whole new world of connection… video calls with family, online communities built around shared interests, and friendships that span the country. If getting online feels daunting, help is closer than you think. Our Link Online sessions can support you to get started with confidence.
🏃♀️ Fundraise with us
From sponsored runs to film nights and cake sales, fundraising is a brilliant way to support our work — and an unexpectedly good way to make friends. You'll find common ground, have a laugh, and feel genuinely great about yourself in the process. Not a bad deal. Sounds like a win-win to us!
🌿 Find a new hobby
Is there something you've always fancied doing? A skill you've never quite got round to learning? The good news is there's a wonderful range of resources and activities out there for everyone. Finding a hobby isn't just about the activity itself, it's about the like-minded people you meet along the way. Some of our favourite places to start are below.
⭐️ Our top picks ⭐️
Borrow My Doggy → connecting dog owners with local dog lovers for walks, weekends and holidays. Nationwide, vetted and insured.
The Countryside Charity → volunteering opportunities across the UK, from Hedgerow Hero to countryside coordinator.
British Association for Local History → talks, guided visits to archives, libraries and museums, and a community of local history enthusiasts.
British Modern Military History → regular talks and a monthly Zoom call, open to all.
The National Trust → nationwide walks, including sessions focused on mental health and community groups.
Outdoor Swimming Society and National Open Water Coaching Association → cold water swimming for all ages and abilities, with a wonderful community spirit.
Meet Up → find local groups built around almost any interest you can think of.
The Women's Institute → a trusted space for women of all generations to come together, learn new skills and make a difference. Over 6,300 WIs across the UK, plus virtual options.
Men's Sheds → practical interests, shared spaces and genuine connection. Despite the name, Men's Sheds welcomes younger members and women too. A brilliant organisation for intergenerational friendship.
The art of conversation
Hello stranger!
Despite what our parents may have told us, research shows that talking to strangers is actually good for us. Even small acts of connection, or 'microconnections', such as making eye contact, smiling at a stranger or exchanging a few words with the person behind the till, can make us feel less lonely.
Psychologist Gillian Sandstrom found that people who have more microconnections during their day tend to be happier and feel a greater sense of belonging. So if you're going through a lonely patch, building up your daily quota of small, warm interactions is a gentler first step than you might think. It's about feeling acknowledged and seen.
And if you worry that saying "I love your coat!" to a stranger might seem odd, research shows that we consistently underestimate how good a genuine compliment makes someone feel. So go ahead.
Four skills worth practising
A good conversation flows freely. It's comfortable, it puts everyone at ease, and it leaves both people feeling a little better than before. Like any skill, though, it takes a bit of practice. Here are four things worth working on.
1. Ask good questions
A comment is sometimes enough to get things started, but questions are what keep a conversation going. The secret is to ask open-ended ones. A closed question ("Did you enjoy it?") has one answer, and then you're back to square one. An open question ("What did you make of it?") opens the door to all sorts of unexpected places.
Try starting with who, what, when, where or why. And phrase things in a way that invites discussion rather than information. "What kinds of things do you enjoy?" feels very different to "What do you do?" The goal isn't to gather data. It's connection.
2. Actually listen
This sounds obvious, but real listening is rarer than we think. Most of us have our own internal chatter running while someone else is talking: planning what we'll say next, wondering if we left the oven on, composing a to-do list. It's hard to listen to two voices at once. Try to quiet the noise.
Listening isn't just about what's going on in your head, either. You have to show the other person you're with them, through eye contact (around half the time is about right), nodding, the occasional "mm-hmm," and simply being still and present. As Epictetus put it: we have two ears and one mouth for a reason.
3. Respond and contribute
Questions and listening are essential, but a conversation is a two-way thing. To really connect, you have to speak too. Share your thoughts. Offer a reaction. Keep lightly tossing the topic back and forth like a friendly game of catch.
If the conversation moves on before you've said what you wanted to say, let it go. Something better will come. And if nothing comes to mind straight away, that's fine too. "I've never thought about that before" is a perfectly good response. We love this quote by Stephen R. Covey: "The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand. We listen to reply."
4. Share a little of yourself
The best conversations lead somewhere real. That doesn't mean you have to bare your soul. It just means going a little beyond the surface. Tell a small story. Give some personal background. Let the other person see that you're a real human being with a life and a perspective worth knowing.
Creating that kind of openness goes both ways. When you ask good questions, listen properly and respond with warmth, you create a space where the other person feels safe to share too. That's where real connection happens, and it's available to all of us, in every conversation, every single day.
Ready to give it a try?
Our conversation starters are designed to help get things flowing, whether you're visiting a loved one, meeting someone new, or just looking for a way in. Take a look and see what sparks something.
Conversation starters
Easy openers
How is your week going?
What's keeping you busy at the moment?
What's the last thing you watched that you really enjoyed?
Are you from around here originally?
What do you like to do to relax? Do you have any hobbies?
Back in the day
Where were you born?
Do you have siblings or other family?
Do you have happy memories of your childhood?
What did you want to be when you grew up?
Who was the most memorable teacher you ever had, and why?
What did you get up to in the summer holidays as a child?
What was your first job?
Food and drink
What's your ultimate comfort food?
Is there a meal that takes you straight back to your childhood?
What's the most adventurous thing you've ever eaten?
Are you a good cook?
If you could only eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Is there a food you really don’t like? Why?
What is your favourite dish to cook?
Do you think food (or food shopping) has changed over the years?
Have you ever grown your own fruit or veg?
Places and travel
What's the most beautiful place you've ever been?
Is there somewhere you've always wanted to visit but never have?
What's your favourite place closer to home — somewhere that feels special to you?
Did you go on holiday when you were a child? Where did you go?
If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?
Hobbies and passions
Do you support a football team or follow a sport regularly?
What kind of music do you like?
Can you play any musical instruments?
Is there something you do just for the love of it?
Have you ever made something you’re really proud of?
Are you an outdoor or an indoor sort of person?
What hobbies did you have when you were younger?
Is there a hobby you've always fancied trying but never got round to?
What if
If you could have dinner with anyone, living or dead, who would it be?
If you could instantly master any skill, what would you choose?
If you were an animal, what do you think you'd be?
If you could go back and give your younger self one piece of advice, what would it be?
If you won the lottery tomorrow, what's the first thing you'd do?
Right now
What are you most looking forward to at the moment?
What does a really good day look like for you right now?
Is there something new you've tried recently that surprised you?
What's bringing you joy at the moment, however small?
Who in your life are you most grateful for right now?
The big stuff
What are you most proud of in your life?
What's something you've changed your mind about as you've got older?
What's something small that has made a big difference to your life?
What do you think is the secret to a happy life?
Who has had the biggest influence on your life?
What do you think makes a really good friend?
What's something you'd tell your younger self not to worry about?
What period of your life do you look back on most fondly?
What's the kindest thing anyone has ever done for you?